Like the rest of you, I can barely believe June is here already.
Things have settled in at work and I've learned most of the ropes. The building apparently has wireless now so during slow periods I can use my laptop to do things like look deep within my soul and produce Xanga entries. All in all, I am thankful for my job.
I got my first creative brief for my internship at the History Museum, and it looks great. It's an invitation to a Key West themed fund raiser (hence Jimmy Buffet for inspiration.) I'm still a little intimidated, but as far as I can tell this is going to be a good experience. If all goes well, the 8th will be my first day going in. I need to get my professional wardrobe together!
I also started physical therapy a few weeks back. I'm extremely thankful for this. That someone would give such a thing to me is something I can barely get over. And they've been really great. It seems like no matter how much of a wall flower in the church I try to be, I am still taken care of when I have a need. When I needed a car, super cheap rent, a job, funding for a trip ... when I needed this treatment. I can complain all day long about spiritual or emotional issues or whatever you want to label it, but those things I just listed are concrete undeniable examples of me being taken care of via the church - over the course of 11 years. Not a bad track record. Of course, thinking about this is making it harder for me to choose cynicism. Not impossible, just harder ... lol.
Truthfully, I just typed out several paragraphs about what is going on with the treatment, how I've been dealing with everything, and a really great analogy about nerves and all night dance parties ... but I don't know that this is really the place for it. Just know that as I hit the 10 month marker of this ordeal, I am looking forward to the day when I have grown from all this, and don't feel defined by the word "can't." I'm so desperate for it. Until then, please extend a little extra grace my way.
Tonight will be our second Tuesday night get together at Mary's with the girls. I think in the long run, this will be good. In the short run, I am hesitant. There are some amazing people that will be there ... but unless I want to go and be totally fake, I will need to let my guard down. And deal with some things.
I don't feel like doing this.
I am a rock.
I am an island.
Or maybe .... maybe I will choose to fear God instead of fearing myself. A few days ago in church, when we were reminded that intimate friendship with God was reserved for those who feared him, I felt a serious pang. In the same way the touch of the therapist brings pain when massaging my troubled body, I felt it. The urgency has gone, but the thought is still with me.
There is more, but that seems long enough for now.
See you on the flip side.
Comments (1)
It seems the older we get the more in need of grace we are....I wonder if it's that we recognize the need more.